Hitsugaya and the Candy Mountain
by Full Shadow Alchemist
Summary: Matsumoto and Momo have convinced Hitsugaya to come with them to Candy Mountain! What will become of our poor Captain! 1/3 of "Hitsugaya's Adventures as Charlie the Unicorn"


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Charlie the unicorn

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Charlie the unicorn. If I did, this would be one of the filler episodes.

Hitsugaya and the Candy Mountain

One day Hitsugaya was sitting in his office one day, doing paperwork. It had been a quiet and peaceful day. At least, until Matsumoto and Momo walked in.

"Hey Shiro-chan, hey Shiro-chan stop with the paperwork!" Momo chirped.

"Yeah Captain! You silly workaholic stop working!" Matsumoto agreed.

Hitsugaya stared at them, annoyed. "Oh god you two, this had better be frickin' important! Is the building on fire?"

"No Shiro-chan, we found a map to candy mountain! Candy mountain Shiro-chan!" Momo answered.

"Yeah Captain! We're going to Candy Mountain! Come with us Captain!" Matsumoto added.

"Yeah Shiro-chan! It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure Shiro-chan!" Momo said.

Silence for a moment. Then: "Yeah, candy mountain, sure. I'll just, you know, go back to work." Hitsugaya resumed his work.

Matsumoto was horrified! "NOOOOO!! Captain! You have to come with us to candy mountain!" She grabbed Hitsugaya and started shaking him.

"Yeah Shiro-chan! Candy mountain! It's a land of sweets and joy, and joyness!" Momo added.

"Please stop shaking me." Hitsugaya moaned.

"Candy mountain Captain!!"

"Yeah candy mountain!!"

"ALRIGHT FINE!! I'LL GO WITH YOU TO CANDY MOUNTAIN!!" Hitsugaya snapped.

The next thing he knew, they were walking through a forest. Annoyingly, Momo and Matsumoto were skipping ahead together, singing "LALALALLALALALa!!"

"Alright enough with the singing already!" He had NOT agreed to this willingly.

"Our first stop is over there Shiro-chan!" Momo informed him gleefully.

"Oh god, what is that?" Hitsugaya's eye twitched. In front of the trio was a giant, extinct dinosaur.

"It's a leoplerodon Shiro-chan!" Momo said cheerfully.

"A magical leoplerodon!" Matsumoto added. "It's going to guide our way to candy mountain!"

"Alright guys, you do know that there's no _actual _candy mountain, right?!" Hitsugaya started to wonder what level the two womens' IQ were currently at.

"SHUN THE NON BELIEVER!!" Momo screamed.

"SHUUUUNNN!!" Matsumoto agreed.

"SSSHHHUUUNNNAH!!" Momo finished.

"Yeah." He no longer wondered. He knew. Somewhere between 0 and -100.

The leoplordon opened its mouth and made some sort of noise between a dolphin, dying cat and drowning fish.

"It has spoken!" Momo said.

"It has shown us the waaayyy!" Matsumoto said. They walked forwards, leaving poor Hitsugaya behind.

"IT DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!"

Now, they were on a rickety bridge hanging over a cliff. "It's just over this bridge Shiro-chan!" said Momo.

"Over this magical bridge of hope and wonder!!" Matsumoto stated.

"Yeah, is anyone else here getting covered in splinters? Seriously, guys we shouldn't be on this thing." The child genius said. Though it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

"Shirrrrooo-chhhaan! Sssshhhhiiiiiirrroo-ccchhhhaannnn! Ssshhhiiirooooo-chaaaaan! Shiiii-"

"I'M RIGHT HERE MOMO WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

She turned to Hitsugaya with sparkles in her eyes. "We're on a bridge Shiro-chan!"

Later, the three had finally arrived.

"We're heerreee!!" Matsumoto said happily.

"Well what do you know? There actually is a candy mountain." He was now thoroughly disturbed by this all and wanted nothing more than to return to the safety of his office where the biggest threat was paper cuts. THIS was testing his SANITY.

"Candy mountain! Candy mountain! Fill me with sweet sugary goodness!" Momo bounced around hyperactively before settling down again.

"Go inside the candy mountain cave Captain!" Matsumoto screeched in his ear.

"Yeah! Go inside the cave! There are magical wonders to behold when you enter."

"Uhhh….ya, thanks but no thanks. I'm going to stay out here."

"But you have to enter the candy mountain cave Captain!"

Just then Kira and Renji jump and view and burst into song!

"Oh when you're down and you're looking for some cheering up  
Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave  
When you get inside you find yourself a cheery land  
Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land  
They've got lollipops and gummidrops and candy things  
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day  
Its impossible to wear a frown in candy town  
Its the mecca of love the candy cave  
They've got jellybeans and coconut with little hats  
Candy rats, chocolate bats, its a wonderland of sweets  
Buy the candy train to town and hear the candy band  
Candy bells, its a treat, as they march across the land  
Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground  
Turn around, it astounds, its a dancing candy treat  
In the candy cave imagination runs so free  
So now Captain Hitsugaya will you go into the cave?"

Then they bounced off and exploded.

"Alright, fine, I'll go into the fricking candy cave!" Hitsugaya, annoyed, walked in. "This had better be good…."

Matsumoto and Momo giggled. "Goodbye Shiro-chan!"

"Yeah, goodbye Captain!"

"Goodbye WHAT-"

A big metallic door closed and all was plunged into darkness. "Hello? What is this? HELLO?!"

Noises and scuffling could be heard.

"Kurosaki is that you? What are you doing with that hammer? Kuro-" Hitsugaya was knocked out.

When he came to, he was outside. "UUHHHhhhh… what happened? OH THEY TOOK MY CLOTHES!!"

**Fin**

**A/N: **Every single character in this story was acting OOC (Out Of Character) except for Hitsugaya. Didn't get this? Go on Google or YouTube and search "Charlie the unicorn." I swear, you will DIE laughing!!

R&R please


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